Woodrow and Friends
Woodrow arrives home late from school. His mum had already prepared tea and was waiting for Woody to arrive home. Just then a grubby little face peeps around the door. “Where have you been Woody, you’re late, what have you been up to?” “Sorry mum, I’ve been with my mates, Chiggy, Chuggy, Tiggy, Fuzzy and Roly. We took a shortcut through the churchyard and played hide and seek with our distant relatives who live there, you know, the scary ones Wooooohhh!” “Yes, I do Woody, why are you so out of breath?” “Because we got chased by Mr. Trilobite the verger again, not just out of the churchyard this time but all the way down the lane as well mum. We’d better not go there again for a while. I’ve been very excited to tell you mum,” “Not that excited Woody, you didn’t come straight home from school, it’s not another letter about a school trip, is it?” “Yes mum.” “That will have to wait Woody, go and get washed and come straight down for your tea,” said dad. As he sits down at the table, he begins to tell them about the letter, his dad reminded him that there is no talking at the table. As Woody tucked into his favourite tea, he looked across at his dad and spotted something on his plate. “Dad, dad!” “What have I told you Woody, no talking at the table.” “But dad…I need to tell you something, it’s urgent.” “No Woodrow,” said mum, it’ll have to wait until you’ve finished your tea.” “But mum.” “No Woody, now finish your tea!” After they had finished their salad tea, dad asked Woody what all the fuss was about. “Well, it doesn’t matter now but there was a green caterpillar on your lettuce.” “It’s not there now Woody.” “I know dad, you’ve just ate it.” His mum roared with laughter, as did Woody but Wilf didn’t find it funny, he coughed and spluttered then left the table in a huff.
The conversation now turned to the letter from school. “Where on earth are you going to this time?” said mum, “We’re going on a boat trip, cruising down the waterways, it’s going to be a special treat for all my class, a reward for doing so well in our exams, so can I go please, please mum?” “The waterways Woody, don’t you mean the canal? I’ll talk to your dad about it when he’s in a better mood than he is right now, he won’t be a problem, I have my ways.” “It’ll be okay mum because it’s all free, we don’t have to pay, the school are providing everything we need for the day, I can’t wait.” I’ll tell your dad that Mr. Slater said you must have inherited your dad’s brains because you’re so clever Woody, that’ll do the trick.” Winnie cast her magical spell over Wilf, he didn’t stand a chance, he was putty in her hands”.
The day of the boat trip came around so quickly. Woody came down for breakfast in the new clothes his mum had neatly laid out for him. “Oh Woody, you look a picture,” said mum. “But mum, I didn’t need new clothes, why am I dressed in blue and white stripes like a sailor? I’m going on a little boat along the canal, not on the ocean waves and I’m not wearing that straw hat!” “Oh Woody, you’re just like your dad.” “But I’m not mum, he’s very lazy with a big fat belly.” “Hush Woody, he’s coming, he’ll hear you.” “Right, we’re ready to get on the bus now, please don’t kiss me in front of all my mates mum, it’s embarrassing.” “Now remember, I don’t want you falling overboard and swimming in that dirty, nasty canal, think about your poorly chest.” “Awww, mum, you do fuss.” “I’m your mum and that’s what mum’s do, now go on and have a lovely time.”
As the bus pulled away the children were already chatting excitedly about their trip and forgot to wave to their parents, only Tiggy waved to his mum. It wasn’t long before they arrived at the canal where Mr. Slater and Mrs. Sowbugs were waiting at the boat to help them on board. Miss Tiggyhogs had the children lined up on parade and as they stepped aboard, they were all given a brightly coloured life jacket to wear. With everyone now on board they all put on their life jackets before they began their journey. Mr. Slater gave them a talk about safety, no standing up and clambering about the boat. Stay in your seats and enjoy your day. Everyone was so excited. “Can I cast off sir?” called Woody. “No thank you Woody, just stay in your seat.” “Oh, well done Woody, you knew the correct procedure and you’ve dressed up like a sailor for the day,” said Mrs. Sowbugs. Everyone turned to look at Woody, a quiet titter went around the boat, his best mates were trying desperately not to let him see their laughter. Mrs. Sowbugs called out, “This is the life, as she trailed her hand in the muddy canal water, where life’s gentle rhythms carried me through the day like a soothing melody. It takes me back to when my beloved husband Cyril and I travelled these happy waterways. In the years that have passed, it takes me back to something I may have lost a long time ago and forgotten. I feel quite tearful Miss Tiggyhogs, I’m surprised by the strength of my feelings.”
Mr. Slater stood at the helm steering the little vessel, sporting the upper lip with what could only be described as a large moustache close to the density of a squadron leader, and wearing his captain’s hat and a smart blazer. He took the part very seriously as he gave a running commentary about the different landscapes and a large assortment of farm animals. They approached an old sandstone bridge which dated back to a time when goods were carried on barges, pulled along by heavy horses. “These once bustling canals are steeped in history,” said Mr. Slater, “and this is a fine place to stop and observe the life of the canal. Look at the rope marks in the stonework which were worn away over many years by horses passing through, look at the plants and wildlife. I think this is a good place to stop for our picnic and view the wonders all around.”
A Crusty Cowpat
They left the boat and wandered over to the meadow where Miss Tiggyhogs had laid out the sumptuous spread which had been provided by the school dinner ladies. As they eagerly made their way towards the picnic Mrs. Sowbugs whispers to Mr. Slater, “I don’t want to exhaust your goodwill, but with your bidding grace, may I take this opportunity to carry out an impromptu lesson, a story that is dear to my heart.” “Certainly Mrs. Sowbugs.” “This way children, gather round, I’m going to tell you a wonderful story about nature.” The children began to fidget as their tummies started to rumble. “Oh no, I hope it’s not a long one, I’m starving,” “Erm, I heard that Fuzzy.” “Sorry Miss.” “I’m just going to climb the little hillcrest, so that you can all see and hear me clearly.” She begins her story by telling them about a young girl called Cecil Frances Humpheys, who sat on the top of Crabhurst Hill above the town of Dunster, not far from the coast of Somerset. She surveyed far and wide in all directions, the wonders that surrounded her. She was so inspired by what she saw, that when she arrived home, she wrote the wonderful hymn All things bright and beautiful, “A particular favourite of mine.”
Just then Miss Tiggyhogs cried out, “Can you hear something?” “Yes, and I believe the earth is moving, it must be the wonderful power of storytelling,” said Mrs. Sowbugs as she listed to one side and started to sink. “Quick Mr. Slater, reach for my hand. Oh dear, I believe I’ve fallen into what appears to be a giant crusty cowpat, pooh look at all these flies around me, chase them away Mr. Slater and help me out of this awful mess.” Mr. Slater and Miss Tiggyhogs pulled with all their might, trying to dislodge Mrs. Sowbugs. It was a tug’o’war between them and the gobbling, squelching, sucking, gurgling cowpat pulling her in. “Oh no, I seem to have lost several of my new sandals.” The children were shocked into silence, their mouths open like the caverns of a cave before they all broke into fits of laughter. “Don’t scold them Mr. Slater they’re obviously all drowsed with the fumes from the giant cowpat.”
“Get me to the boat Mr. Slater, come along children.” “No fear we’re having our picnic flies or not.” “Then you take charge Miss Tiggyhogs until I return.” With thoughtless hands they shood the many flies away and headed for the meadow to tuck into their picnic. There were plates piled high with all their favourite foods, sandwiches, pies and crisps then cakes and jellies, all washed down with lots of pop, it was delicious. As Mr. Slater helped Mrs. Sowbugs back towards the boat, the flies had followed them along with many more following the dreadful smell. As they turned the corner, they found that the boat too had listed to one side, as the section of canal had been completely emptied by the many boats passing through the flight of locks. To her dismay Mrs. Sowbugs now had to walk the plank to board the boat smelling like a middin. “Oh Mr. Slater what a frightful thing to happen to a headmistress.” Miss Tiggyhogs had kindly brought a lovely plate of food back for them. Mrs. Sowbugs was overcome by her kindness, but the memory of the day and the frightful smell made eating just impossible.
The children were so excited when they returned to the boat and had to walk the plank to get on board. “We’re just like pirates!” they exclaimed. “What do we do now captain?” asked Chiggy, “Let’s look for treasure, let’s make swords, let’s take over the ship.” The children shouted in excitement. “Arrgh, now then my old matey’s settle down, there’ll be no mutiny aboard this ship while I’m the captain,” said Mr. Slater in a deep pirate’s voice.
When they had all sat down Mr. Slater took the opportunity to tell them about the tiny fish in the shallows of the canal. After all they couldn’t go anywhere, they were stranded until the canal filled up again. “His little stories are like falling snow, the softer it falls the deeper it dwells, then sinks into the children’s minds, a true voice for the children. I believe a teacher affects eternity; they can never tell where their influence stops.” said Mrs. Sowbugs. “I think I’ll leave the teaching to you in future Mr. Slater. Just look at the children’s eyes Miss Tiggyhogs, storytelling is a wonderful way to teach, as I have always done, but alas it went so horribly wrong today.” Mr. Slater began telling them that big fish teach little fish, he then spotted the swift reams of a dorsal fin, then suddenly, the water ring-rippled with the rise of the little fish. Fish can communicate with each other; they do this by moving their bodies and insides to make special sounds and pass on information about food or danger. However, fish do have ears which are located inside their heads, that’s why you should always be quiet when fishing, and be a still as a root because they can hear and feel your presence. They also taste their foods by firstly tasting it with their lips before they eat it. When a big fish sees a baited hook, he tastes the bait with his lips. If the hook is baited with bread, he will puff flumes of water to dislodge the bread then swallow it. The little fish watch and learn then feed on the tiny fragments left behind. Having no eye lids, they sleep with their eyes wide open. Did you know that fish cruise along at ten miles per hour and can sprint at sixteen miles per hour when they need to escape the heron or the fisherman.” “Wow,” shouted Tiggy in awe, “I never knew fish could do all that.”
The Fishing Match
Mr. Slater went on to tell them how the canals came to be, the history of horse drawn boats and the gypsies of the waterways. As his story finally ends, the canal starts to rise again as more boats come down through the locks. As the boats passed by, they could see the clouds of flies around the boat and held their noses as they disappeared into the lock. They were now able to set off again with the many flies following close behind. Further along the canal they saw anglers with their fishing rods, competing in a fishing match. They call out to Mr. Slater to come closer whilst they lifted their rods so as not to disturb the baited area on the far bank. “Pooh, what’s that awful smell,” one of the anglers calls out, “it’s not muck spreading season is it, surely that’s much later in the year?” “It’s coming from that boat,” calls another angler. At that moment a red faced Mrs. Sowbugs suddenly has a call of nature and disappears into the toilet. “I’ll stay in here out of the way until we’ve passed them. Oh dear, why are all those fishmen waving and laughing?” All the children quickly ducked down low as Mr. Slater waves and smiles, but he is so embarrassed. He could hear Mrs. Sowbugs whining from below. “It’s supposed to be so gentle and sedate but it’s nothing of the sort, it’s all too much, this would never happen in the classroom. This hasn’t been an adventure at all, it’s been a nightmare. My Cyril will never believe what’s happened today.” “He will when she arrives home and that awful smell reaches his nose, whispers Miss Tiggyhogs.
As Mrs. Sowbugs tries desperately to shoo the many flies away, three flies persist when Roly suddenly chirps up, “I know a tune about flies Miss, that’s them, they’re my friends, Ping, Pong, Poo. He then breaks into song before anyone could stop him. “Ping, Pong and Poo were three little flies, but only Poo was wise.” “Not another one of your silly rhymes Roly.” Before he could utter another word Miss Tiggyhogs quickly came to the rescue. “Look Roly, a spider,” as she tries to distract him. “I think you have a song for everything Roly,” said Mrs. Sowbugs. “Yes, I have Miss.” “Full steam ahead Mr. Slater let’s go home. Never again Miss Tiggyhogs, never again. I’m keeping my feet firmly on the ground. I’ll stick to the classroom in future. No more adventures for me.”
And yes, Roly did finally get to finish his little song ….with help from Miss Tiggyhogs.
Roly’s rhyme can be found in the poem section.
Woody’s next adventure is just around the corner, where fun and laughter collide in the most delightful way.
